He asked to "fluff my boner.."
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
