He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
