I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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