Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
