here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
