where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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