She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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