the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
