I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
