i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
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the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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