Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
