That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
