if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
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