when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I look excited, but its just a facade.
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