So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Drunk is not a location!
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
