did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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