apparently the secret to your success is patron
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Randomize
