pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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