Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
