yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
