Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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