I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
well you can't waste a boner
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Pants are for mortals
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize