DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
