I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
