christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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