I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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