sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Randomize
