I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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