Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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