it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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