This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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