My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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