I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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