I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
