I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
