bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
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i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
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He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
There are leaves in my underwear?
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