yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
