too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Randomize
