So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
