And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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