Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
