Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
