if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
