Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
