I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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