That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
