It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Randomize
