Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
