Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
one might say we're banned from that church
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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