take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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