she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
