The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
OPIZZABONMYDICK
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
