You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
