oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
It was a blind-side dick pic.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
