Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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