Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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