I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
