I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
