Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
