I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
