My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
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