So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
