and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
