Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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