At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
