sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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