I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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