Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
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