The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
