The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
