why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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