So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
