so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize