All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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